coming back to the "real life" is hard... dude, haven't even been back for a complete 24 hours yet. and i feel like i'm already struggling... but this is something i have to get through. something that i need to allow God to take control over, or else this pain will never go away... but honestly, i feel sooo at peace. i feel so much joy inside. like, i do feel really sad. so sad that i can't hang out with him like i used to. i can't talk to him like i used to. i can't hug him. i can't kiss him. i can't call him whenever i just want to hear his voice. i can't run stupid measley errands with him anymore... my life is going to change... and i'm not sure if i can handle it... but i know God will take care of me.
i honestly just feel like making ammends with everyone right now... i'm not sure if now is the time tho... ugggh. confrontation is so hard to do. but it has to be done... thank God we have AIM. haha. jk. seriously tho... i don't know if i could talk to them in person... especially someone. just because it happened sooo long ago. but you know, i don't care if people talk smack about what i'm going to do. because i just want to be honest. the youth is never honest with each other... we keep putting up fronts and say things behind each others backs... we need to change that... and since i just came from an encounter... you know, i need to start. people won't start being honest if YOU aren't the one to initate it. so, suck it up, and do it. forget about your PRIDE... it isn't worth it. let go of the pride so that our youth can grow... and thats exactly what i want to do.
i just want to TRY to be friends with everyone... just like the way it was before, you know?
and as for jermaine... i need to tell him that i TRULY forgive him. you know, its hard to forgive someone who hurt you, especially when what they did ruined everything that could have been, would have been, or should have been... but, i learned to just give it to GOD. there isn't anymore room in my heart to harbor any resentment. all i wanted was to be free from that. and now, I AM. i'm still hurt, don't get me wrong, healing is a process. but, i can't be angry with him anymore... i don't have a right to be. God has already forgiven him, who am i to still be so unforgiving?
GOD IS GOOD =)
