it isn't fair that:
[] i've forgiven jermaine, but he's still a jerk deep down inside.
[] what he says about what i do still affects me.
[] i let go and tried to forget about his past... but he bothers me about mine
[] he hurt me the way he did, and i have to live with it
[] i'm still hurting and he doesn't have to worry about it anymore
[] i still love him, but he has a crush on her
you know, i refuse to believe that he didn't like her and that what he did was just a result of a bad decision. why would a guy go out with a girl in the middle of the night to just eat and talk alone in the car if he didn't like her? if he didn't have ANY feelings for her? ugh. it hecka sucks for me. because i felt fat and ugly. while the girl he went out with was pretty and skinny. it isn't fair that he did this to me. i DO want revenge. but revenge isn't going to help me get over it. i don't understand why i had to forgive but he can't do the same...
you know, i STILL don't know what they talked about. i don't know if he said that he liked her. i don't know if they really did kiss or not. i don't know how long they really stayed out. i don't know. i don't know what happened.
i want to be FREE. i want to be able to live my life without any guy trying to say anything. i love jermaine sooo much, but i want to be FREE. i don't want to be tied down. i don't want to worry about what he's going to think. i don't want a boyfriend. i'm good without any guy. i don't want that kind of life anymore... i don't want to be unhappy.
i want things to go back to the way things were. when i was happy. skinny. and i had long hair... haha. seriously! i want to live a fun life. when i can talk to any guy that i wanted to talk to. when i could be as friendly as i wanted to a guy. when i could do whatever i wanted without jermaine telling me that i was flirting or blah blah blah. maaan. i just want everything back to the way things were. i don't want YOUR drama anymore.
you know what sucks? sooo its like, adrian and i were having problems. and i stopped caring and loving him. and it took us a while to break up.. even tho i wasn't feeling it anymore... and so i went to darwin.. like 3 months after adrian and i broke up. everyone thought i cheated. blah blah blah. so then now darwin... i was with him for about 5-6 months... and he left me for clarissa... now... jermaine and i were together for over 2 years... and he screws me over with some girl... and yes. she's my friend too. so is every single relationship i'm ever going to have, going to be ruined by a third person?
is it? because if its always going to be like this... i don't want a boyfriend anymore... i don't want to get married anymore... i just want to be single and alone if its going to spare me all this heartache... how many times can your heart be broken in a single lifetime?
Lord, send me the man that won't break my heart...
