its been four months since i wrote in this thing

i miss you sometimes...

oh well.

i barely know you now. it's like everyone knows you better than i do.

im just saying...

if you wanted to talk to me, you would have called...

what the fuuuuuuuu....

honestly tho... so, someone you took care of passes away... never experienced a death with anyone that close before... doesn't even know how to deal with someone passing... then, your bf breaks up with you over some stupid excuse... "we dont hang out anymore" or "what kind of relationship is this?"

what the eff?

seriously? are you that selfish? was it so hard for you to understand?

I GUESS...

to be honest, even tho you're such a jackass, i felt like i missed you. but then i remembered how selfish and inconsiderate you were, and i snapped out of it. i'll admit it, i cried when you broke up with me. not because "omg he's breaking up with me" but because i was so disappointed in you. even when i just needed time to deal with someone's passing, you still let me down.

jermaine, you definitely know how to bring someone further down.

2 weeks is the longest we've gone without talking to each other... and you know what? i'm fine with it. i guess when i missed you, it was only your company that i missed. but classes start in a couple weeks and i'll be busy again. then i'll have something more important to focus on.

grow up and be a man jermaine

aww. this is true.

The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your cellphone the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you, and the next when he doesn't want to be anything at all. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, got crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.

Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest everything, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "You're just not the one for me." or maybe, "things were going too fast, I'm just not ready."

Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.
The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so."
The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.
Here's for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart ... again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.
Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.
This is for those confusing days, when you miss him,and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass,sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.
Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When your song comes on the radio, turn the station.
When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off.
When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.
Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.
It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

3 months have passed...

and there is just sooo much to write!

first of all... PRAISE GOD! i finally got into the LVN program... after waiting for about 2 years to get into a program... i'm in! this is truly a blessing from God. and this time, i'm not going to screw up.

second, i'm 22.

sooo yea. i just read a blog that i wrote write after the womens encounter... and after reading it, i feel... blessed. because God answered everything i prayed for this year. really. everything i asked, He gave it to me. whenever i asked for guidance, he guided me. when i needed strength, he strengthened me. when i needed money; someway, somehow, i had it. even tho i had to wait a while to get into the program, He blessed me with a spot for Spring 08. i have no doubt that He is watching over me.

and even though the holidays are a time to be jolly... i thank God that i have my family and friends to be around during the season.

and i really do believe that everything happens for a reason. that there is a specific purpose for each event that occurs in our lives... and i feel that whatever happened this past week is just going to prepare me for next semester. who has time for drama when your in the nursing program?

really now, i'm over it. there is hope for my future. and God proved it to me by placing me in the program. i used to think that i'd never become a nurse. but now i'm just a 1 year and a 1/2 away. and who cares if i don't have a bf this christmas... thats one less person on my list. more money to spend on ME.

btw, with an education, you can't go wrong. if you ever lose your job, you'd have your education to fall back on.

and thats all i have to say.

its late... and i can't sleep...

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

hahahaha beautiful yet dangerous? capable of random violence? haha how true is that?

You Belong in Los Angeles

Whether you'll admit it or not, a huge part of you likes being in the spotlight. And you may just have enough star quality to make it big in LA! Even if you don't become famous, you still belong in a place where you can get a year round tan.

Where Does Your Inner Californian Belong?

You Are the Middle Finger

A bit fragile and dependent on your friends, you're not nearly as hostile as you seem. You are balanced, easy to get along with, and quite serious. However, you can get angry and fed up with those around you. And you aren't afraid to show it! You get along well with: The Index Finger Stay away from: The Pinky

What Finger Are You?

You Are a Good Student of Men

You're pretty good at knowing what men are thinking But you're not dead on 100% of the time Let your guy off the hook sometimes... because you may be reading him all wrong!

How Well Do You Understand Men?

The PJ's You Are Most Like: Underwear

You enjoy the simple things in life and aren't hard to please You have an understated, easy sexiness that men love And you're confident enough to pull it off - without being overbearing

What Kind of PJ's Girl Are You?

Your Driving Is is: 74% Male, 26% Female

According to studies, you generally drive like a typical male. You're confident in your driving skills, and hardly any situation gets the better of you. And while you may have a few tickets under your belt, you're still a very good driver.

Do You Drive Like a Guy or a Girl?

Your Beauty Element is Fire

Wild and sexy, you keep your beauty style smokin' hot. You're not afraid of glamour or showing off your assets!

What's Your Beauty Element?

You're Almost Ready to Get Married, But Not Quite

No doubt that you've warmed up to the idea of marriage and life long love You just aren't quite ready to follow up with your desires, yet. You may be a bit young, or a bit commitment phobic... give it time. Concentrate on guys who you can imagine being with next year. Forever can wait.

Are You Ready To Be A Wife?

You Are Tequilla

When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk! You'll take any shot that's offered up to you... Even if it tastes like sock sweat! And you're never afraid of eating the worm.

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Your Love Quote

True love stories never have endings.

What Love Quote Suits You?

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed. Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty. And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality. You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snobby Girl?

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

you hear that jermaine? i'm not ALWAYS a bitch!

You Are 55% Angry

Generally, you are not an angry person. But you're easily frustrated and enraged. You have one heck of a temper. And because of your anger, you tend to feel resentful and even spiteful. You already know how to quell your anger. You just need to do it more often.

How Angry Are You?

You Are a Bloody Mary

You're a fairly serious drinker, who's experimented a lot with different drinks. You're a drunk, but a stable drunk. You don't ever let your drinking get out of control.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it. You have the confidence to make the first move. And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best. Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?